Episode 3. Tell the Cult Leader I’m Sorry
Gwangmyeong Left Sage frowned.
“We usually just call it a sacred object. How do you know it’s called Cheonok?”
“You think I spent three days and nights just running? I ate, pooped, recited poetry, tortured one of your subordinates, even went on a boat ride. It was a productive trip.”
Gwangmyeong glanced coldly at his subordinates waiting behind him.
“You couldn’t even withstand a little torture?”
“They should at least know what this thing is. Turns out they don’t. I figured I should know what I’m dying for too.”
He replied in a low voice.
“…Gwangma, that’s a special elixir made solely for the Cult Leader. If anyone else consumes it, their limbs will melt. Don’t even dream about it. It was difficult to make. We must retrieve it.”
“Oh, shut your lying mouth. Do I look like some innocent daughter from the Namgung clan to you? Or some boy-crazy bimbo from the Baekri family? You pervert.”
“Even if I tell you the truth, you won’t believe me. It’s called a sacred object because the Cult Leader is meant to take it. Please believe me.”
“That’s odd. If it were a true elixir, wouldn’t the old bastard have taken it before entering seclusion?”
“There are… certain considerations. His cultivation follows a very specific order.”
“How was it made? This isn’t some naturally occurring medicine. It looks like it was crafted through demonic arts.”
“If I told you… would you give it back?”
Instead of answering, I watched his eyes carefully.
“No.”
Having seen all the atrocities the Demonic Cult had committed, I had a pretty good idea of what went into making this thing.
Especially considering how the colors of Cheonok constantly shifted — like extreme yin and extreme yang qi swirling together, changing with sunlight and temperature.
If I had to describe it: a Taiji pattern.
In demonic terms: a reversed Taiji.
An elixir containing both yin and yang was no ordinary item.
I had a terrible realization: if this ended up in the Cult Leader’s hands, the martial world might as well be doomed.
‘Damn it… the Wulin Alliance should award me the Medal of Honor. Bastards.’
I voiced my deduction aloud.
“Ah, I get it. I must be a genius. Let me guess: You attacked clans and waged wars to gather this — harvesting the essence of living martial artists. Must’ve been hard to extract both yin and yang in balanced amounts.”
As I said it, I realized the Cult Leader’s true aim.
“This thing only works if the person has a yin-yang body constitution, or if their internal energy is already balanced in yin and yang. That’s why he secluded himself — right? Am I wrong? Or was he planning to use it after swapping bodies?”
That would make sense. A fresh new body would absorb it better.
Gwangmyeong Left Sage gave a wry smile as he listened.
“Thought you were just some crazy idiot…”
“I get that a lot.”
“Believe whatever you want. Even if you know the truth, it won’t save your life.”
“True, but…”
“You’re not a yin-yang body either. Hand it over.”
“If the Cult Leader takes this, no one in the world could stand against him. He’s already strong enough to be annoying. I can’t give it to you. That’s the path I walk as a lonely knight-errant.”
I meant that as a joke, but he didn’t laugh.
“…”
Me and the Demonic Cult — we’re not a good match.
He kept glaring at me, torn — clearly not wanting to fight, worried I’d jump off this cliff.
To be honest, I didn’t want to fall off either.
Who the hell likes cliffs? Unless there’s some hidden treasure down there.
So, what’s the move that’ll piss him off most?
Wounded and tired as I was, I didn’t hesitate — I swallowed Cheonok.
Gulp.
As it slid down my throat, his face turned pale.
I savored the taste.
“Huh. Surprisingly sweet. Tastes like peach with a refreshing aftertaste. Did they add peach for the old bastard’s comfort? Hahaha!”
His subordinates were wide-eyed. Like they were about to faint. Gwangmyeong pointed and stammered.
“You… you ate it?”
I scowled.
“You said it was an elixir, you madman. Elixirs are good for the body. I hope the Cult Leader tears you a new one. Don’t worry. Your subordinates will report this accurately. Unless you’d prefer to kill them all yourself.”
He stomped and screamed.
“You lunatic! That’s—!”
I feigned dumbness.
“Should I have saved it for the Cult Leader instead? Oops. Too late now. Burp…”
Then I felt it.
Something was off.
That joke about peaches wasn’t a joke after all — it really tasted like peach.
And my body — something was changing.
I grimaced and clutched my abdomen.
It felt like my dantian was forcibly splitting in two.
To the cultists, my face was turning ghostly pale.
One half was yang, the other yin. It was a strange, unnatural shift — but not particularly painful.
‘It really is a sacred object…’
Gwangmyeong clenched his jaw.
“Kill him! No — capture him! We’ll grind him up alive and feed him to the Cult Leader!”
“Yes, sir!”
I raised a hand like I had something important to say.
“Wait! Before you follow that command — I need to say something. My stomach feels weird. I think… I need to throw it up.”
My deadly serious expression made him pause.
“Wait!”
He signaled his men to hold.
“What’s wrong with your dantian?”
“It’s… It’s heating up, then cooling down. Back and forth. I think… I’m about to have explosive diarrhea. This elixir doesn’t suit my constitution.”
Just then, a thunderous fart erupted.
Everyone winced. Some even covered their noses.
“…”
Even Gwangmyeong pinched his nose.
“Spit it out!”
I held my nose too.
“Stop whining like a child. I never said I’d throw it up through my mouth. I need to take a dump. You all go ahead and descend the mountain. I’m a man of honor. I won’t let you witness such a thing.”
“What…?”
His face paled even more.
I spoke in a calm tone.
“Tell the Cult Leader I’m sorry. He should come here himself and examine my stool. The secret to becoming a demonic god might be in it. Perhaps history will witness the rise of a new cult leader — one who ascends through poop. Gwangma, the man who took the most legendary dump of all time. Epic.”
As I monologued, Gwangmyeong snapped and hurled his energy at me.
‘Not happening!’
I countered with my own energy using the Golden Turtle Soaring Art.
Two giant palm-shaped forces collided in mid-air.
BOOOOOOOM!
Gwangmyeong was blasted backward. I too staggered — three steps into the empty air beyond the cliff.
That’s when I realized — this guy had trained in ice arts.
‘Shit. He mastered Ice Palm techniques.’
He got pushed farther than me, but I was still embarrassed.
I hadn’t planned to fall off a cliff. Yet here I was.
Life rarely goes according to plan.
Even as I plummeted, I laughed at the absurdity.
“Hahahahahaha!”
My laughter echoed through the chasm, shaking the sky and earth.
Maybe the peach flavor was making me giddy.
Anyway, this cliff was really deep.
I laughed for a long time… and I was still falling.
Despite everything, my legs were fine. Cheonok’s energy was writhing inside my dantian, and strangely enough, I felt rather energized.
This wasn’t part of the plan, but whatever.
Right before I hit the bottom, I used the “Laughing in the Gale” technique to slow my fall, rotated three and a half times, and landed lightly on my feet.
Almost a perfect landing.
“Hehehe…”
Looking up, I saw Gwangmyeong’s men jumping down after me — all of them.
Even the low-rank minions were diving off without hesitation.
I couldn’t help but admire the scene. Cult or not, they were loyal to a fault.
“Wow… bunch of lunatics.”
No wonder the Wulin Alliance couldn’t take down their base.
“But half of them are gonna shatter every bone in their body.”
Sure enough, screams filled the chasm. People smashed into cliffs and rocks, dying on impact.
As I watched them die meaningless deaths, I finally understood what Gwangmyeong meant when he said even their own members feared the Cult Leader.
The Demonic Cult was terrifying.
Or as they called themselves: the Celestial Demon Sect.
And then…
The cultists vanished.
Even the sky and cliffs turned pure white.
“Huh?”
What the hell?
Everything — absolutely everything — turned white.
And from that whiteness, a blinding light emerged.
Floating in the air… was a man.
His face was obscured by the radiant backlight, but I could tell — this guy wasn’t ordinary.
In that moment, I knew — my life was now in his hands.
(…to be continued)